Dear SOS: My brother-in-law’s son, our nephew, 19 yrs. old,  is involved with the wrong crowd. His mom and dad think their son is not doing anything wrong. For them he’s perfectly good boy who can never do anything wrong.  They say his attitude is  just a phase he’s going through. When he’s been to our house small things such as money and some jeweller has gone missing.  All the relatives know about his habits. They are all fearful for their children but no one says anything to our bother-in-law and his wife.   Our kids, now in their teens, 15 and 17, I fear will be influenced by his flashy life styles.  I don’t want him hanging around with our kids.  We have regular family get together and when I see him he’s hanging around with my kids I fear for them.  I have told my husband I don’t want to go to any functions where he’s  going to be present or have function at my house where he might come to.  But my husband says it’s matter of his family and he can’t cut them off because of their son.  All the kids think he’s great. They say he’s fun to be around and he’s very smart.  I fear they will want to be just like him. I just don’t know what to do.
Helpless and Worried in Surrey
Dear Helpless and Worried in Surrey: When it comes to their children most parents  are blind.  It’s not that they see nothing wrong with their kids, it’s just that they don’t want to see or think their kids are doing anything wrong.  By not seeing the problem on hand they think the problem will go away. If what you and your husband believe is true about your nephew then as a family your husband has an obligation to talk to his brother. His brother might not like hearing anything bad about his son but at least he will be forced to rethink.  Most probably he will also blame your husband and you for thinking badly about his son.  He and his wife might stop talking to your family but the  important thing is that they might come to terms with the truth about their son and work to help him change.
You are also right to be fearful for your kids.  Kids are very easy influenced especially by other kids their age.  Talk to your kids and try to find out what they know about your nephew.  But most probably even if they do know they will not tell you.  But don’t’ stop talking to them about getting missed up with the wrong crowd can wreck their lives. Talk to them about drugs and gang problems that’s plaguing the youth in this city.  Your kids will probably tell you they know better and that they would not do anything wrong.  But don’t stop, keep hammering about these issues.  If you can try to keep your kids away from your nephew.  It also would not hurt to take your kids to visit an actual jail.  You can pre plan with the police and they will most probably give you and your kids a tour.  Actually seeing where they could end up can be an eye opener.  But in the meantime keep a close watch on your kids and their activities. Attending less of family functions might be one answer.  But don’t forget if kids are going to get involved in the wrong things it can happen anywhere. Education, close watch, eyes and ears open, prayers and  lots of luck on your side hopefully will help.  A word of advice. As a parent you have every right to take every step you feel will keep your children safe. Never say my child will never do that.  Under certain circumstances anybody can do anything. So keep your eyes and ears open.  Pray that God will keep your kids safe through their teen years and they will make the right decision. Good luck.